Monsters
by Annibell12
Summary: This story is about Near and Mello, and how Mello s desire to be number one changed his life. This is NOT a NearxMello fic, and is told from Mello s point of veiw after death.
1. Monsters

"There are many types of monsters in this world. Monsters who will not show themselves or who cause trouble. Monsters who abduct children, monsters who devour dreams, monsters who suck blood, and monsters who always tells lies. Lying monsters are a real nuisance; they are much more cunning than other monsters. They pose as humans even though they have no understanding of the human heart; they eat even though they've never experienced hunger. They study even though they have no interest in academics; they seek friendship even though they do not know how to love. If I were to encounter such a monster, I would likely be eaten by it...because in truth, I am that monster." - L, Death Note Rewrite 2: L's Successors.

Every child has monsters. You may have had the Boogie Man, or a monster under the bed. They screw up your life, terrify you… until you turn six, and grow out of your fears. It appears that we geniuses have… different monsters. They last longer. L believed that HE was the monster, and Near`s sinister being was the thought of never being needed by anyone, being forgotten in the shadows. Mine was…slightly more childish. He was green and cruel and hated the thought of anyone being better than him. The thing, you see, about the monsters of such brilliance, is that they never go away, and affect their hosts greatly. The fears they place are much more rational (too rational to be easily forgotten) and torture their hosts until the day they die. I happen to be dead now, and it`s true; my monster seems rather pointless and overbearing now. It got to the point where he changed my entire outlook on life. In a sense, you could say that I became my monster. My monster was green, and cruel, and hated the thought of anyone being better than him. He was envy.


	2. Family

A/N- I didn`t get to say hello last time, so Hi! More to the point, I deeply apologize if the time frame of this story is incorrect, and would love it if you made corrections in your reviews (of which I shall make said corrections). Finally, my updates might be inconsistent, as I have camps all summer, though I shall update when I can.

FAMILY

Keep in mind that I was always this way, although it did get much worse when Near came into the picture. It started how everything starts, with family. I wasn`t always an orphan, no matter how much that may shock some readers. My family was actually fantastic. I had a mom and dad who loved me, a big sister named Anna who I would quarrel with in a loving way. The only thing that I regret about them is that they helped to create my monster. In my house, it was always a competition. No one ever spoke of it, or mentioned any tie of affection to accomplishment, but I do know that whenever I came home with the awards and speeches of great triumph Mom and Dad would hug and coddle me and treat me like I was the most fantastic kid they knew. They never treated me like I was a stupid kid; they discussed points with me as if I was on their level. Like I was worthy of their time. But on the occasions that I didn`t have all the prizes and A++ grades to takes home… they didn`t. They still asked my opinion on matters, tucked me in at night, but they were… distant. Like they didn`t really register that I was still here, if I wasn`t the best.

The same unspoken rule followed for my sister, only she took it much harder than me. On the days where she didn`t get the very best grades or the very best winning score for her soccer team, she went into a feverish, almost insane state. She would study all night until she finally fell asleep on her textbooks out of exhaustion. She wouldn`t even take a break for meals, until she started doing the best again. One day, it got to be too much. January 3, 1996. I was just barely seven when my sister died. Then my parents got impossibly more distant, no matter how well I did in school. "We only wanted her to have a future," They would mumble with wide and shocked eyes "The best future." At that point, there was a chasm between us that I couldn`t cross. As large and frightening as the Grand Canyon. We went there for a vacation, once. The three of us, nature, and absolutely no textbooks. It`s the only time I can remember not having to work for love.

So when I went to the orphanage 2 months later after my parents fatal car crash my monster stuck with me. Old habits die hard, and I couldn`t stand being second best. They may have gone away, eventually, if the orphanage hadn`t had almost the exact same structure. If you were at the top, you got special attention, people looked up to you, sometimes you even got to talk to L. The amazing L, who reminded me so much of my sister. Both hard working, brilliant, and somewhat distant human beings. Who knows, perhaps being L was an… inherited type of thing. If I got to be L, who was so much like my sister, perhaps I could avenge her…somehow. I was only seven at the point, you need to understand. This thought, while irrational and not fully formed seemed to stick, along with my monster. Vague and abstract concepts that meant I had to be the very best.

In the orphanage, you had to be the best to get the best, and there was someone in the way of me being the best. Someone was getting in the way of me making my parents proud, just once. If I was L… that was an irrevocable title of prestige, proving once and for all that at least one of their children was at the top of his game, even though their other child disappointed them by giving up. Someone was getting in the way of me making my sister happy, for once. She would be proud as well, that her brother was living to be so much like her, only better, fulfilling what she would have done, but didn`t have the strength to.

So I pulled an Anna. Every night at the orphanage I would study obsessively, sure that L was sorely disappointed in my less than perfect grades. I would still eat, but only chocolate bars and needless to say, didn`t have many friends. It is difficult to get them with a less than cheery demeanor, such as mine. While sports, grades, and being just friendly enough to not have enemies was important, friends just served as distractions. In my entire career as a child prodigy, I only had one of said distractions. Matt.

I couldn`t have many distractions, or risk getting off my ultimate goal of becoming L. Since I had a distraction, I needed balance. My balance was chocolate, dark, 99% cacao bean. Most think that I enjoy chocolate, that it`s the one pleasure I allow myself. However, it is not. At all. I hate the stuff, but it keeps me in great concentration. If I begin to feel my mind wandering, all I need is to take one small bite. Have you ever been sitting outside on a hot day, tired and zoning out, when you take a sip of your cold, sour lemonade and suddenly, everything is pulled into focus? The world is sharper, and you can hear the slightest bird chirp in the distance. Chocolate is my lemonade. It is both sweet and bitter, an awful punishment for not accomplishing my one life goal, and sweet in the fact that it`s pulling me closer.

All I know for sure is that when I become L, I will never eat another bar of dark chocolate in my life.


End file.
